Monday, October 03, 2005

wheel of fortune blacklist

Anybody out there a Wheel Of Fortune fan? I used to love that show, but now that my mind has been spoiled by rotten movies, cable tv, and video games, I can barely remember what it was like to have good clean fun. Nevertheless, let me take a moment to share with you my favorite WoF category - "Before & After."
Actually, what I really want to share with you is the devil's secret stash of Before & After's that never made it on the show (due to its family oriented nature). If you have absolutely no clue what's going on, here is an example: snot rocket + rocket science = snot rocket science.

[UPDATE 10/04: I thought some of these were so damn funny I decided to give them definitions too]

Using a picture for each one would make the page take forever to load, so here is a list of my personal favorites, in no particular order:

blow job security - the peace of mind of having a girlfriend to do you favors on a regular basis

paint chips ahoy - favorite snack of the troublemaking lunatic kid down the street

pussy whipped cream - dessert topping that goes on the body of a girl who can use her good looks to get her guy to do ANYTHING she wants

support group sex - what happens when people seek help for their personal problems, and then get together to have an orgy

ball sack lunch - method of obtaining a free mid-day meal by exposing oneself to the lady at the hot dog stand, so that she flees in terror

semi colon cancer - rare terminal illness that mainly afflicts picky English teachers

morning wood work - gives a man's boxers the structure of a circus tent after he wakes up

landing strip club - a seedy topless joint that always seems to be located just outside a major metropolitan airport

freak show girls - the fine young ladies who work at the landing strip club (see above)

chicken breast enlargement - a procedure done to hens, paid for by their farmer-pimps, to make them more attractive to grocery stores.

flower pot head - a retired hippie grandma who enjoys the beauty of nature through that "special" type of gardening.

cigarette butt buddy - that annoying guy who pretends to be everyone's best friend when he's just smoked the last of his pack, and still needs a fix

titty bar mitzvah - every 13 year old Jewish kid's wildest dream

man juice squeezer - your right hand, your left hand, or both if you're a "switch hitter"

mediterranean sea men - what you might find in/on the beds of single women who live near a port in Greece

ocean blue balls - a common condition suffered by enlisted Navy men, now that women are allowed into the service

pubic hair dresser - a job that should never have any openings, except maybe in Las Vegas or Amsterdam

golden shower rod - every man has one of these, but not necessarily the guts to use it for that specific purpose

trouser snake bite - what every young girl fears of older men

doggie style invitational - when a student has a relationship with his English teacher, and she gets on her hands and knees in front of him, requesting that he talk dirty to her in a grammatically creative manner

helping hand job - when you can't finish it yourself, or simply just don't want to

fore play money - the $1 bills that are stuck in a stripper's g-string, because that's pretty much all you get from it

french horn ball - the dorky band kid who doesn't realize how much he stares at girls' chests while he's struggling to have a conversation with them

forest fire crotch - unique condition that begins with smoke rising out from between the legs of a redhead when he/she gets extremely aroused

shuttle cock tease - any woman who plays badminton in a short skirt and a low cut shirt

congress man whore - a member of the legislative branch who has the same ideologies as former President Clinton

toilet paper jam - what happens when you use too much without an inbetween flush, often causing the bowl to overflow

[i will update this post every time i think of a few more good ones]

*All b&a's listed here are original as far as I know, including the one in the picture* - I always use my own material unless mentioned otherwise. It's better that way because ANYONE can copy and paste funny stuff into their blogs. [see movie Office Space for the definition of a "no-talent ass-clown"]

If anyone wants to share their own raunchy b&a's, please leave me a comment


Blogger Ree said...

Wow, you either a)have to intirely too much time on your hands to sit around and think this shit up b)this just randomly by some stroke of fate pops into your head or c)you are just geniously cleaver!!! Keep this shit coming, funny!!! What a great way to spend the day, reading Mike's blog to get some insight of his mind!! Hehehe

11:42 AM  
Anonymous natalie said...

absofrickinglutely hilarious. thanks for the laugh.

3:23 PM  
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butt pirate ship
rim job offering
pink taco salad
crank bait shop

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