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Thursday, September 15, 2005

lazy freakin bums

Never underestimate the power of a lazy person to make his/her life easier (usually his). I think laziness is an inherent human trait, because there's something about life in general that makes people expend as little energy as possible when the fruits of their labor are not immediately evident. This is quite unfortunate, but not always bad. In fact, sometimes it's downright funny. Examples:

1. The Dishwasher Bum - Instead of unloading the clean dishes and putting them away, gets new dishes straight out of the dishwasher, eliminating the need for cabinets. Confusion often arises when dirty dishes and clean dishes are mixed, but hey, they can be washed again. Let the machine do all the work. That's what machines are for.

2. The Clean Clothes Bum - After doing a few loads of laundry, folds the clothes neatly and puts them in a pile on the bed. Then, when it's time to go to sleep, is too tired to put them away, and throws them on the floor. Next day, puts them back on the bed, repeating the whole process. After a few days some wrinklage may occur, but that's okay, you can always just put them back in the dryer.

3. The Communication Bums
a) IM Bum - While in the dorm sitting at the computer, sends his roommate an instant message (who is sitting only about 10 feet away), so as not to have to turn his head slightly and actually open his mouth to communicate. Has been known to laugh aloud during the conversation, but still type "lol" or "haha" in the message window.
b) Cell Phone Bum - Lives off campus, and often calls his roommate on his cell phone when both of them are at home, just to avoid a ten second trip down the hallway.
*There are no downsides to these two types of laziness, and they have each become a hallmark of college kids.

4. The Empty Pitcher Bum - When getting some lemonade, will pour himself a glass, and upon noticing that there's hardly any left, will actually pour some of it back into the pitcher. He then puts the pitcher back into the refrigerator - a classic pitcher-refill avoidance tactic. Nevermind the fact that he was thirsty and his body could have used the extra fluid; the consequences of using precious energy to make more lemonade are far more serious than dehydration.

5. The End of the Aisle Bum - Shows up early to class, a movie, a concert or other event (normally considered unlazy behavior) that has rows of stationary seating and no assigned seats, and then chooses the seat on the end of the row. When others try to sit down, he acts annoyed when they climb over him to find an empty seat, as if they should have - a) gotten there long before he sat down - b) climbed over the ten other people sitting on the same row instead - or c) used climbing gear to rappell down to their seats from the rafters like ninjas. Everyone freaking hates this bum.

[MORE TO COME]


3 Comments:

Blogger SPG said...

Good stuff!

7:53 PM  
Anonymous Dee said...

I know all of those bums.

6:51 PM  
Blogger human holocaust said...

amusing :)

10:40 PM  

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