Monday, October 03, 2005

wheel of fortune blacklist

Anybody out there a Wheel Of Fortune fan? I used to love that show, but now that my mind has been spoiled by rotten movies, cable tv, and video games, I can barely remember what it was like to have good clean fun. Nevertheless, let me take a moment to share with you my favorite WoF category - "Before & After."
Actually, what I really want to share with you is the devil's secret stash of Before & After's that never made it on the show (due to its family oriented nature). If you have absolutely no clue what's going on, here is an example: snot rocket + rocket science = snot rocket science.

[UPDATE 10/04: I thought some of these were so damn funny I decided to give them definitions too]

Using a picture for each one would make the page take forever to load, so here is a list of my personal favorites, in no particular order:

blow job security - the peace of mind of having a girlfriend to do you favors on a regular basis

paint chips ahoy - favorite snack of the troublemaking lunatic kid down the street

pussy whipped cream - dessert topping that goes on the body of a girl who can use her good looks to get her guy to do ANYTHING she wants

support group sex - what happens when people seek help for their personal problems, and then get together to have an orgy

ball sack lunch - method of obtaining a free mid-day meal by exposing oneself to the lady at the hot dog stand, so that she flees in terror

semi colon cancer - rare terminal illness that mainly afflicts picky English teachers

morning wood work - gives a man's boxers the structure of a circus tent after he wakes up

landing strip club - a seedy topless joint that always seems to be located just outside a major metropolitan airport

freak show girls - the fine young ladies who work at the landing strip club (see above)

chicken breast enlargement - a procedure done to hens, paid for by their farmer-pimps, to make them more attractive to grocery stores.

flower pot head - a retired hippie grandma who enjoys the beauty of nature through that "special" type of gardening.

cigarette butt buddy - that annoying guy who pretends to be everyone's best friend when he's just smoked the last of his pack, and still needs a fix

titty bar mitzvah - every 13 year old Jewish kid's wildest dream

man juice squeezer - your right hand, your left hand, or both if you're a "switch hitter"

mediterranean sea men - what you might find in/on the beds of single women who live near a port in Greece

ocean blue balls - a common condition suffered by enlisted Navy men, now that women are allowed into the service

pubic hair dresser - a job that should never have any openings, except maybe in Las Vegas or Amsterdam

golden shower rod - every man has one of these, but not necessarily the guts to use it for that specific purpose

trouser snake bite - what every young girl fears of older men

doggie style invitational - when a student has a relationship with his English teacher, and she gets on her hands and knees in front of him, requesting that he talk dirty to her in a grammatically creative manner

helping hand job - when you can't finish it yourself, or simply just don't want to

fore play money - the $1 bills that are stuck in a stripper's g-string, because that's pretty much all you get from it

french horn ball - the dorky band kid who doesn't realize how much he stares at girls' chests while he's struggling to have a conversation with them

forest fire crotch - unique condition that begins with smoke rising out from between the legs of a redhead when he/she gets extremely aroused

shuttle cock tease - any woman who plays badminton in a short skirt and a low cut shirt

congress man whore - a member of the legislative branch who has the same ideologies as former President Clinton

toilet paper jam - what happens when you use too much without an inbetween flush, often causing the bowl to overflow

[i will update this post every time i think of a few more good ones]

*All b&a's listed here are original as far as I know, including the one in the picture* - I always use my own material unless mentioned otherwise. It's better that way because ANYONE can copy and paste funny stuff into their blogs. [see movie Office Space for the definition of a "no-talent ass-clown"]

If anyone wants to share their own raunchy b&a's, please leave me a comment